‘The Law of Attraction’ or ‘The Secret’ – a Taoist prospective (Part 2)

Following on from part 1 below:

So, step one: ASKING. It is not as simple as it seems!

When I am teaching this Taoist principle of ‘attraction’ and ‘alignment’ people can often misunderstand its fundamental message; they will say to me “I have not got enough money, yet I am always asking for and wanting more…so it does not work, if fact it seems to get worse!” (Money always seems to be one of the key subjects of interest when teaching the law of attraction!)

There are two key things to understand here.

Firstly, the Universe it does not respond to, or analyse and translate just ‘words’ or verbal requests. It is attracted, and then aligns to all the Qi, energy or vibrations you are transmitting.  Remember (from a previous post) Qi and the Universe is in a state of abundance but has not got an intelligence! It cannot translate, second guess, understand or fill in the missing gaps of your verbal statements or wishes. It is not a supreme ‘brain’ who knows better than you what you want!

Accepting that our words are often supported by feelings and intentions, i.e. the Qi, energy or vibrations behind our words, brings me to the second and more fundamental point.

When you send ‘negative’ or ‘needy’ statements like “I have not got enough money and I really need more”, you are effectively sending out low vibration energy.  The Universe can only align itself with the energy/vibration/Qi of your statements; it is a misunderstanding to believe that it can somehow interpret and correct, counteract, rebalance or overcompensate for ‘negatives’ or any low vibration messages you transmit. We cannot expect the Universe to act with a supreme ‘brain’ and to somehow receive, understand, translate and deliver our personal desires if they are in conflict with the energy we are transmitting!

On a similar note, if you are not precise with your intentions and requests (for example, “my life [my job/family/partner/appearance etc.] really gets me down, I want things to be better!”), you cannot expect the Universe to second guess and deliver perfection to you without any effort on your part to clarify what it is you want to align yourself with or move towards. In the same way that life coaches today teach, to create ‘S.M.A.R.T.’ goals to help us work constructively towards what we want in life, we also need to be positive, explicit and realistic in our requests and intentions.

The issue of ‘wanting’ is very powerful and worth exploring further.

The Universe cannot align itself with the negative concept of ‘wanting’, or ‘not having enough’ or ‘wanting more’. The Universe is in abundance and it’s nature (the way or Tao) is to solely align itself with your vibrations (your inner voice or Qi). It would be like telephoning the music radio station and asking for the football results to be broadcast immediately…as the station is unlikely to have this resource the best they could do would be to play a football song to try and please you. This would be totally unsuitable, but the closest alignment they have at their disposal to meet your request.

The Universe acts in a similar way. For example, when receiving the vibration of ‘not having enough money and wanting more’ as a state of needing, it will simply align with this state of needing by sending you more needing, or making its closest alignment. That’s why you are never satisfied and it feels like you are not getting what you desire, when actually your vibration request is being answered and aligned too after all!

[Anyway, what does wanting ‘more money’ mean to the Universe? Remember the Universe has no intelligence to translate, it just wants to align. How would it translate that, if it could…More than what or whom? How much is more? Double, treble? Perhaps more importantly, what is money to the Universe? Money is not a currency of the Universe. ]

What can make things worse is, if we then feel like we are not getting what we want or indeed are in fact getting more of what we don’t want, our Ego’s can jump in and translate these unbalanced feelings into a statements such as: ‘your desires and wishes are not being met’, ‘you are not good enough’, ‘you never get what you want’. These feelings of inadequacy and unfairness will in turn begin to send out more negative and low frequency vibrations. The Universe will then continue to align to and send you more of the same, and so the Ego circle is formed and the negative momentum continues.

So it follows that the next big question is – ‘how do we break out of, or change, this Ego circle and attract positive vibrations or Qi into your life?’

Meditate and consider:

Do you find yourself always wanting and needing?

Does it seem like your never get want you want?

Do you compare yourself negatively with others?

Do you feel that the Universe treats you unfairly?

Are you always left feeling unfulfilled?

Are you reaching your true potential?

Please read part 3

‘The Law of Attraction’ or ‘The Secret’ – a Taoist prospective (Part 1)

The phenomenon of the ‘law of attraction’ (also referred to as ‘The Secret’) swept through the States about 5 or 6 years ago and now seems to be having the same affect in the UK. I have had many emails and questions in my classes and workshops about what it actually means and how it works.

I also notice there are now expensive workshops taking place at the moment to pass on ‘The Secret’. I’m not sure how it can be a secret if it’s being sold and passed around (?!), nevertheless, my interpretation of the law of attraction or ‘The Secret’ is that it is based on the ancient Taoist principle of alignment of ‘Qi’.

This principle is not a secret, in fact quite the opposite – everyone knows of this Universal law and uses it daily in their lives, perhaps without realising or understanding they are doing so or that it is even a ‘law’.

So what is the law of attraction, ‘The Secret’ or principle of Taoist alignment?

First I would like you to consider the principle of alignment and attraction in broad terms and to understand that is not a ‘mysterious’ secret only to be understood and practiced by a few. To illustrate my point I will use some analogies…see if these work for you!

[You already know of my reluctance to use analogies from previous posts as, because they cannot be perfect or 100% accurate as a way of explaining things, they will always give our ‘Ego’ an opportunity to jump in and undermine or discredit the point being made. Despite the disadvantages of using analogies, in this post I think a couple of them would help to set up the explanation before I go into more detail.]

…Imagine you were a successful music promoter wanting to attract a young teenage audience to your venue and make it a success, what music would you present?

Well I guess it would be a more difficult to fill your venue with teenagers if you were promoting a classical organ recycle, not impossible as I’m sure there are several young people who love organ music, but logically the best chance of successfully attracting and aligning your venue to a large young audience would be by presenting what the majority enjoyed. Something like the latest chart band or the most creative music in a modern young atmosphere that would be exciting to your particular target group.

You would then design appropriate eye catching and modern posters and distribute and display them in places you knew your target audience would see them; perhaps on radio stations playing the music that corresponds with your promotion, or posting some details on websites with a large teenage following. Basically you would raise awareness amongst your target teenage audience to attracting as many as you could to your event.

Conversely, it would follow that if you wanted to attract a more mature audience the choice of music and atmosphere would be different (perhaps the classic organ music would be better suited here). Not better or worse, but just different, more appropriate or aligned with those individuals you are trying to attract and excite. Therefore if follows that your marketing strategy would also be totally different, attracting a different target group.

Another analogy would be if you loved sport, you wouldn’t tune your radio to a music channel to catch up with the football results or listen to a match. If you did you would be sorely disappointed at not getting what you wanted and desired!

All these examples serve to illustrate the simple basic principle of law of ‘alignment’ and ‘attraction’:

By first understanding what we want to attract, and then making a conscious effort to align ourselves to this through our thinking and actions, we are more likely to attract and receive what we desire.

This is common sense stuff and instinctively we all know and understand that the Universe works in exactly the same way!

The Universe, and all it has to offer us, is a constant flowing force. It doesn’t go away or turn its back on us or make judgements against us, good or bad – as with all nature, it just ‘is’. It simply waits for us to move towards, tune in, connect and align our energy, vibration or Qi, and for us open up and receive, through our authentic thoughts, intentions and actions.

So how can we attract what we authentically want into our lives?

All we need to do is align ourselves (our thoughts, words and actions) appropriately and authentically, with this Universal flow and energy to attract what we seek.

I believe that quite simply…

We should Authentically Ask for it

We should Authentically Believe it

We should Authentically Act like we already have it and Live It!

I consider that each of these three steps are essential components of the principle of alignment and attraction, and all need to harmonise together to allow for positive change and results to flow.

My future posts will focus on and discuss each of these steps in turn and my next post will discuss the first step – ‘asking’ for change and what we seek.

Meditate and consider the following:

Do you live your life authentically, being grateful for what you already have?

Do you send out authentic vibrations that are a true reflection of you?

Are what you say and what you think in alignment?

Do you know what you really want?

Would you prefer someone or something to sort it all out for you?

Would you say your authentic self is in harmony and balance?

Please read part 2

Medals of Honour

A few years ago I had a telephone enquiry from a gentleman who had strained his back whilst working on his allotment.

It sounded a straightforward case, so after a brief chat on the telephone we made an appointment for an acupuncture treatment. Precisely on time the door bell rang, opening the door I was greeted by a well presented, tall, distinguished man in his late sixties with grey/white hair wearing a black blazer, light trousers and highly polished shoes.

But the most striking image about him was the rows of medals and ribbons he was wearing across his chest!

As I started the diagnosing interview I had to mention the impressive array of medals, which gave him the opportunity to explain each one in turn and the story and significance behind them.

As the stories continued the gentleman became more animated and creative in his descriptions of his acts of bravery and the memories of his friends and colleagues involved on the battlefields of the Second World War.

After hearing these wonderful stories and experiences we continued with the appointment as normal. The treatment proved to be very successful, he gained immediate relief from his pain discomfort and I have never seen or heard from him since. But my military gentleman did leave a very deep and lasting impression with me on many levels.

The opportunity to speak with someone who could bring to life the horror and bravery of those young men that fought with honour and pride for their country was very moving. He spoke many times about how they had to face their ‘feeling of fear’ minute by minute both on a group and personal level, and confronting the greatest fear of all human beings: dying.

The horror of friends and colleagues falling around him was a constant reminder of the fragility of life and strangely, by recounting the stories, it became a very inspirational message.

As I think of that experience on other deeper levels, I wondered why he felt it was necessary to wear his medals on such a mundane medical appointment. It was very noticeable that, as he recited his obviously well rehearsed stories, he became more relaxed, animated perhaps authentic, even joking about the grossly horrific scenes, as if that was the way he dealt with his fear of dying – was this avoidance, or acceptance?

The levels of understanding and insight continue for me from that single meeting as I recall the privilege of meeting my military gentleman in my meditations.

One of the insights I have considered since that appointment also applies and aligns to my day to day work with clients who sometimes find it difficult to align and re-balance themselves and their emotions because of powerful experiences in their past. So many of them recall horrific ‘battlefield’ experiences from their childhood and adolescence. As we both work hard to find the ‘core’ that needs re-balancing and alignment there sometimes seems to be a resistance or difficultly to want to change perceptions of their own personal horrors, and sometimes a reluctance to ‘let go’ of those old powerful memories and negative experiences.

I sometimes wonder if, for them, this constant reminder of the pain of their own imbalances and misalignments, is in fact are their own personal medals and ribbons. Whether the self harming, negative, perverse and sometimes harmful thinking and behaviour, are the medals and ribbons that remind them, and are a personal testimony to, the immense horrors that they have had to endure and the proof that they came through it.

Could it also provide a powerful reason or justification for their continued negative patterns of thinking and actions and something that they use to justify to themselves or provide a rationale for their negative or perverse behaviour?

If they were able to let go of those memories, it would be like my gentleman taking off his medals perhaps making him more ‘ordinary’ (in his eyes) with no ‘back story’ to fill. Do they consider it to be valuable ‘PROOF’ of what they have endured?

I am also very fortunate to work with people with weight issues, highly intelligent, loving, kind, caring people, who have been on countless slimming regimes and diets without success. Going round and round yo-yoing through different body shapes and emotions, avoiding the ‘Feeling of fear’ and grasping any opportunity to justify their emotional avoidance. Is their weight their medal of honour?

If they released the weight for good, I wonder if, on a subconscious level, they may think that no one could ever appreciate the horror that they have gone through in their lives and the pain it has given them?

Meditate on and consider:

Do you have your own medal of honour?

What would you have to do to release it?

How would that affect your thinking and way of life?

How do you present your medals?

What benefit are they to you?

How powerful are your memories?

Do your medals of honour align you with the Universal source of love, giving, kindness and energy?

Is there a better way to deal with your memories?

Search for the authentic self

One of the most common e-mail enquiries I get asks, “how do we know or recognise our true authentic self?”

This can seem a difficult and confusing conundrum, especially if you’re not in a balanced emotional state when contemplating this question.

Your true authentic self is something your ‘out of balance’ Ego would want you to believe is difficult to recognise or achieve, and thus it encourages you not to search or enquire…almost like a confidence trick or a vicious circle – what I call ‘the Ego circle’.

One common misunderstanding is that people think that an authentic balanced state is something that other people have, and therefore it should be easily achieved and  maintained by them, without any effort.

This could not be further from the truth!

If you acknowlege that the true nature of the Universe one of constant change, movement and flux how can our balanced and authentic self be a fixed, constant unchanging and inflexible entity?

Just like walking a tight rope, we have to accept that to align ourselves with the flow of the Universe and life we too have to be flexible and responsive and make small adjustments to maintain an authentic inner balance and equilibrium!

But take a moment to consider this: you MUST know what your balanced, authentic state is, or else how would you know that you are out of that ‘balance’?

The term ‘feeling out of balance’ normally refers to an interpretation of a physical feeling (See my other Blogs on this subject).

Again, in my experience, is a statement that signals you have encountered a fearful situation and the entered the ‘avoidance maze’.

So, through all of this confusion, how do you recognise your balanced authentic self?

Well I think the question would be more fully and easily answered by considering both sides of the situation, and firstly asking “how would I recognise my ‘out of balance’ Ego?”.

Contemplating this new enquiry you should be able to answer these types of questions much more easily:

“Does this feel good to me?”; “Would I talk to my children the way I talk to myself?”, “Do these actions and thoughts help me to reach my true potential?”; “Are my thoughts and actions loving and kind, first to myself then to other?”

Consider drawing two columns on a sheet of paper – one titled ‘aligned to my authentic self’, the other ‘misaligned to my authentic self’. Then ask yourself the relevant question of the moment and tick which box it falls in.

Whatever your situation, the questions would be something like:

Is it correct not to forgive he/her? (Tick the column)

Is it correct to compare myself to ………. ?

Is it correct to hold this anger for so long?

Is it correct to believe that my life has no purpose?

Is it correct to think that everyone has got it in for me?

Is it correct not to be kind and loving to myself and others?

Is it correct to blame all my problems on my childhood upbringing?

Is it correct to believe that I am inadequate?

Is it correct to believe that my life is worthless?

And so on…..

I’m sure you can devise your own questions to suit your personal situation. Try this small experiment and the answers will show you which state you are aligned too, and prove that you are always fully aware of what is authentic or unbalanced.

So what’s stopping you from changing all your ticks in the misaligned / unbalanced column to ticks in the authentic balanced column?

….If you can do this – and we all can – then you have answered your own question!

Let me know your results!

Words

Be mindful of your words.

We can develop a very bad habit when using extremely negative words to describe and criticise ourselves. These negative words can lead us unnecessarily down a blind alley of anxiety and despair.

Words have an energy (Qi), movement and momentum.

Even if you feel fearful, blocked, unsure or cannot see an outcome to a situation, you must strive to keep a good energy flowing. You can speak to yourself uses inspirational and positive words and sentences which can be found from that quiet, central and balanced place in your mind.

It is incorrect and arrogant to presume we must always know the full solution to every problem or situation we are encountering; the Universal way sometimes takes time to unfold and understand.

How many times have you looked back in hindsight to a difficult or perceived ‘bad’ situation only to understand it was the best thing that ever happened and how that situation has changed your life direction in an unexpected yet positive way.

When you are talking to yourself, ask: ‘would I use these words or this tone with my own child?’

Remember fearful situations are learning opportunities, let your words reflect the opportunity to change your perception, learn and grow.

 Reflect and meditate on:

Are you a source of your own inspiration?

Would others be surprised if they could hear you taking to yourself?

Would you talk to others the way you talk to yourself?

Would you talk to your own children the way you talk to yourself?

Do you think the words and phrases you use when talking to yourself are helpful and inspirational?

Fear or Learning?

I have written before about the feeling of fear (FOF) and this is without doubt the number one issue that comes up in my practice.

We should not underestimate the strength of the perceived negative physical feelings that the FOF creates. One of the most graphic descriptions of the sensation I have heard form a patient was “it’s like someone putting their fist into your chest and ripping out your heart!”

This amazingly powerful physical reaction normally has an emotional basis, which in turn is based on a misunderstanding held by the individual.

The misunderstanding is that the feeling of fear is actually the feeling of learning!

Learning is a normal, natural phenomenon, and part of what makes us human; it is as natural and as vital to us as breathing.

Learning can be difficult, frustrating and even painful, regardless of whether it’s something as simple as learning to ride a bicycle, or as complex as learning how to deal with a new emotional situation in our lives.

The key to success is that the correct teaching, support and skills should be given at a young age when we first encounter the situations and feelings associated with learning. Over time we can then begin to hone our skills with the maturity that comes with our life experiences.

Unfortunately we are often left to our own devices to deal with those most difficult emotional events and situations; when at a young age this usually means we follow our parent’s example. Many parents have themselves not been given the correct skills and guidance to deal with such challenging situations but have instead developed a habit of ‘avoidance’ by not tackling such learning situations directly.

In such circumstances, this ‘avoidance’ becomes a habitual behaviour of our own. Unlearned situations will inevitably continue to present themselves to us, which we then in turn avoid; the more we avoid the stronger the habit becomes. A vicious circle or ‘Ego Circle’ as I prefer to call it, then forms.

So how do we break this habit?

By simply correcting the misunderstanding! We must learn how to confront the situation and the learning, without confrontation or avoidance (i.e. by not going to either unbalanced extreme).

We must learn to learn and embrace the challenge of new learning!

We can all begin to enjoy the experience of sometimes getting things wrong and then learning for the future. No one is perfect! Be happy to move out of the ‘comfort zone’; push back the boundaries.

Make those immensely strong physical feelings associated with learning your friend; go towards them; know that when you feel them there is new, exciting learning there for you to discover and embrace.

Change your perception, enjoy the learning journey, and achieve your true authentic potential!

 

Meditate and consider:

How do those feelings of learning physically present themselves in your body? Beating heart, sweaty palms, mind racing, pressure in your head, emptiness in your stomach, aching in your chest?

What are your techniques for dealing with these feelings?

Can you confront situations with an even, balanced and rational mind?

On reflection, can you recall anyone in your family that avoids or is confrontational?

How would it affect your life to be able to reduce or eliminate these feelings?

Do you think you are on the road to your true authentic potential?

Politics today

Politics in Great Britain is going through interesting times at the moment. I often talk in these posts about how Taoism is relevant today world, so I thought that it would be timely to remind you of chapter seventeen of the Tao Te Ching:

 

The highest form of government is what people hardly even realise is there.

 

Next down is that of the sage, who is seen, and loved, and respected.

 

Next down is the dictatorship that thrives on oppression and terror.

 

And the last is that of those who lie and end up despised and rejected.

 

The sage says little – and does not tie the people down.

 

And the people stay happy, believing that what happens, happens…..naturally.

 

Who says Taoism is NOT relevant.

Suppleness – Wu Wei

The term “Wu Wei” (pronounced ‘woo wee’) is similar to “Qi” and many other Chinese terms, in so far as there is no direct translation into English, thus the word remains open to Western interpretation.

I have already posted on this subject and suggested that Wu Wei could be considered as ‘a state of readiness‘. English translations of Wu Wei typically used are ‘emptiness’; ‘non doing’; ‘inaction’; ‘non judgemental’; ‘passive’; ‘no meddling’; ‘no worrying’; ‘no striving’; ‘not going against the flow’  etc.

Although these interpretations do give you a sense of Wu Wei they are still misleading because they portray Wu Wei as a neutral or somewhat negative state of being which is far from the truth.

To get a deeper and more accurate understanding of Wu Wei perhaps we could consider the following definition:

 

‘The understanding, or truth, of being supple’

 

So what is suppleness?

Firstly we need to acknowledge that suppleness is an aspect of our true authentic nature. This still remains a difficult concept for Western society to understand.

Lao Tzu in chapter 43 of the Tao Te Ching states:

The very softest thing of all

can ride like a galloping horse

through the hardest of things.

Like water, like water penetrating rock.

And so the invisible enters in.

That is why I know it is wise to act by doing nothing,

And how few, how very few understand this!

People teach in the world what I know to be true:

if you live violently,

 that is how you will die.

Many associate the word ‘suppleness’ with something that is not strong and therefore somehow weak or deficient. We are indoctrinated as children to ‘be strong’ and ‘show no weakness’, and told ‘the strong will survive’, etc. 

These teachings are sold to us as encouraging a state of mind and readiness which is advantageous and beneficial in all situations and something we should always strive to achieve; failing to do so will somehow make us less of a person compared to others.

The truth is that this state of mind encourages fear, stubbornness, and an entrenched and blocked state of being, all of which are states of weakness!

Weakness or deficiency is the absence of what is necessary, whereas suppleness is an aspect of our true nature and therefore a very necessary and natural state of being. For example, have you ever observed the suppleness of a baby or infant?

Another representation of the suppleness to which Wu Wei refers is the suppleness associated with athleticism. Think of the supple and toned gymnast or the kung fu fighter: there is power in their movement yet they remain flexible through a whole series of different moves, adapting to different situations. There is no weakness or deficiency in their actions.   

The same is true of Wu Wei, where a positive state of being can be derived from openness, flexibility, adaptability and responsiveness of our actions.

Wu Wei refers not only to the suppleness of our body and our actions but also the suppleness of our thinking. Tremendous benefits can be gained from being ‘supple’ or flexible, open and non-judgemental in our thinking, although it does take a tremendous inner strength and courage to place our faith in ourselves and the Universe (Tao).

 So in summary Wu Wei refers to a state of mind, body and spirit where suppleness allows you to be flexible – physically, mentally and emotionally, and to understand and connect to your authentic self and to reach your true potential.

 

Consider the following:

Do you recognise the feeling of being stuck, blocked or unable to move on with your thinking and emotions? 

Have you noticed how you feel when facing a fearful situation? Do you close off and become defensive or do you remain open and flexible? What has been the outcome of these different responses?

How would you describe your natural daily state – hard or soft? 

Have you ever noticed that when you relax things get done much easier?

Being Special

What is ‘being special’?

‘Being Special’ is a term I use to describe a corruption or misunderstanding in an individual’s core or root thinking and, as a result, their belief system.

When an individual is ‘being special’ their belief system is programmed such that they think they are somehow exempt from, or above, the normal events and rules of life and the Universe; either because they are better or worse than everyone else, or because life and its challenges are somehow harsher on them compared to others, or should be fairer and kinder on them compared to others.

This belief represents a simple but fundamental misunderstanding of the both individual, the way of life/the Universe and the interaction between the two.

How can it affect us?

If allowed to go unchallenged, the belief that they are ‘special’ allows an individual to avoid facing up to and dealing with life’s difficult situations and learning experiences in a balanced and rational way. The belief that they are ‘special’ effectively gives them a magic ‘get out of jail card’ which means they do not have to face their fears and confront challenging situations authentically and honestly, and in effect allows them think and operate by a different and exclusive set of rules to everyone else!

Rather than being authentic, they will instead run away from or dismiss life’s challenges and learning opportunities or, conversely, become overly confrontational and aggressive in their response to such situations.

Either way no learning or positive self development occurs and the individual will undoubtedly be faced with the same challenges time and again until they break the habit of thinking and being ‘special’.

Learning experiences are a vital part of our development as human beings and are a part of everyday life. How we react to and deal with those new experiences will impact on us and our thinking profoundly, and will ultimately dictate the extent to which we reach our own true human potential.

So where does the ‘being special’ belief come from?

First we misunderstand our physical emotions and ‘feelings of fear’ and therefore fail to authentically confront learning situations…

For the ‘being special’ belief to become ingrained in our psyche, a corruption or misunderstanding in thinking will have occurred.

This ‘corruption’ in thinking can happen if we react with an inauthentic or inexperienced way to the strong emotions and feelings we have when faced with major new learning experiences and situations. This often first occurs when we are young, i.e. between the ages of 6 – 12 years old.

A corruption of thinking or misunderstanding is more likely to occur when we are young as when we do not have the benefit of being able to use our honed core skills or broad life experiences. It is these skills and experiences that would otherwise provide us with the expertise to respond to a new learning experience and event, and the intense and unfamiliar physical feelings that they create within us, in an appropriate and authentic way.

It may be argued that, at this stage of our developing lives and personalities, it is the role of our parents or guardians to provide us with the appropriate support and guidance on how to deal with these new learning experiences and the feelings they create within us.

Throughout our lives all new situations and learning experiences, and the resulting feelings they generate, can be challenging to deal with. This is truer in our formative years, when as young children we feel the full intensity of our maturing and powerful emotions when confronted with difficult learning experiences for the first time.

Instead of moving forward on a positively expanding path towards our true potential, the nature and severity of the emotional reaction encourages us to withdraw back into ourselves for reference.

If we have the emotional maturity to reflect authentically within ourselves we should find the peace, balance and rational thought that will help us embrace the experience we are encountering, understand the learning being presented, confront appropriately, and then continue on our life journey.

Sometimes when we look inside ourselves for guidance the ‘authentic way’ may not however immediately present itself and unfortunately, over time, we may have also wrongly learned how to think and react to such situations, often based on the incorrect teachings from others such as our parents or peers.

In response to the strong feelings we get when facing a new or challenging situation (adrenalin pumping, palpitations in chest, stomach or both, mind racing, sweating palms etc.), a common incorrect teaching is:

• that this situation is something we should be fearful of or presents a danger to us
• ·        that we should therefore react with ‘flight or fight’

A more authentic teaching of the situation would be:

• that this situation are presents us with an opportunity for learning
• that we should respond with calm, balanced and appropriate action (not ‘flight’ or avoidance)
• that we should confront the situation (not ‘fight’ or ‘confrontation’).

When faced with new or challenging situations, if we keep misunderstanding and reacting negatively to our powerful (and helpful) physical feelings and acting with ‘fight or flight’, we will inevitably reinforce the imbalance between our corrupt core beliefs and the Universal forces/laws.

The result is if we fail to correctly confront a situation, we may never benefit from it’s learning that would otherwise allow us to move on and grow to reach our potential.

We are still left with the emotions and ‘feelings of fear’ that we were seeking to avoid, so we try to justify and reconcile these feelings within our mind to in order to get some closure….

Instead of feeling a sense of relief and release, by failing to confront a challenging situation authentically, we are left with an intensification of the same negative physical and emotional feelings associated with the situation – the very thing we were trying to overcome!

These feelings are so uncomfortable that we have to somehow find an alternative (inauthentic) way to deal with them and get rid of them.

We then have to adapt our ‘core belief’ system to rationalise and cope with any painful feelings. We ease the hurt by telling ourselves that we must be a ‘special’ case, different to everyone else in the Universe, and that is why and why we still feel so bad. And so it follows that we tell ourselves that it is only us that is encountering the unfairness/injustice of the situation and that we deserve better or fairer treatment.

This thinking is misunderstanding that is at odds with the Universal ‘model’ that I call ‘Authentic’. By creating a new belief of ‘being special’, that our unwelcome feelings can ‘fit’ with, we have constructed our own unique, imbalanced ‘model’ or ‘inner world’ which I call ‘The Ego’.

The ego model that we create works to strengthen our belief that we are special but does not allow us to confront, learn and grow…

This Ego thinking which tells us we are somehow ‘special’, allows us to wrongly label the intense feelings of fear (and other associated negative emotions and terms including  ‘inadequate’,  ‘scared’, ‘anxious’, ‘ stressed’, ‘trapped’, ‘helpless’, ‘useless’, ‘unlovable’) in order that we may avoid or be confrontational, rather than embrace and use the learning experiences for what they are: a chance to explore what your life potential offers.

Through our Ego based thinking we deal with and justify the persistent negative feelings by making powerful and corrupted core/root intention statement to ourselves….something like:

“I must be inadequate!”

“I am NOT good enough”.

“The world is against me!”

“Everything always goes wrong for me”

“I am not lovable”

When we make statements such to ourselves in our formative years they have an incredibly powerful impact on us, our thoughts and actions; they become the basis of a lifelong corrupt misunderstandings in our belief system and therefore a limiting influence on our true potential.    

Despite their limiting impact, it is ironic that our natural human reaction to feel the need to justify and protect our core belief of ‘being special’ with all our strength, stubbornness and determination and so it becomes more difficult to break the habit of thinking and re-programme the belief.

In an effort to bring ourselves internally back into a balance and to a place where the incorrect belief and its associated feelings will sit more comfortably, we have to create our own ‘perfect inner world’ (based on the misunderstanding in our core intention), which I call the ‘Ego Circle’, which the belief will fit with.

The resulting misalignment between our ‘perfect inner world/ego circle’ and the Universe creates a constant sense of deep unfulfilment, hurt and feelings of isolation.

This ‘out of balance’ experience then reinforces and increases the core misunderstanding which in turn means the physical emotional feelings intensify.

Unfortunately this only moves us even more ‘out of balance’ with our authentic self and the Universal flow, thereby increasing the powerful physical emotional feelings, sometimes to unbearable levels.

The solution?

The key is to grasp the feelings as an opportunity. By changing your thinking, intention and actions you will dramatically change your life for the better as you follow your path to your authentic potential.

This is something I will cover more deeply in future blogs.

‘Windows of opportunity’.

A client once explained to me her ‘windows of opportunity’ philosophy which I will summarise here:

During our life we are presented with a number of ‘windows of opportunity’. We should be aware of, and take advantage of these ‘windows’, when they appear because they are a chance to focus 100% on an opportunity to change our life or move onto another level of understanding.

I understand my client’s observations; we all have had that wonderful feeling of everything ‘dropping’ into place and working out really well or when we feel like we have a gained an unexpected new insight and, as a result, things are never the same again.

I also absolutely agree that, what we positively focus on, will respond to the stimulation and will expand, grow and becomes stronger – similar to nurturing a plant.

I don’t however concur that these ‘windows’ only appear a number of times during our lives; instead I believe that life is a constant flow of ‘windows’, love, opportunity and openness!

What opportunities are presented to us?

The ‘windows’ my client referred to are the times when we have been able to change our personal model/view/perception (if only for a few moments) and confront our fears, either by positive, intentional choice, or because we are ‘forced’ into it by extraordinary circumstances.

Confronting and moving through the feeling of fear (FOF) will give us the relief, release and freedom that accompany stepping through the FOF, and we will gain a new learning or understanding. I believe this is the opportunity my client has experienced and is referring to.

That wonderful feeling of new learning, relief, freedom and opportunity is always there waiting to be explored, experienced and enjoyed by us all.

It’s a win, win situation. You only have to confront and move through the feeling!

I believe that the great learning in this type of situation is not to focus on FOF, allowing it to become more than just a feeling by seeing it as something that should be avoided, discouraged and negatively responded too. If you do this your view/misunderstanding will respond to the stimulation, and the feeling of fear grows stronger and more powerful.

Your view and new understanding of that physical feeling that we have labelled ‘fear’ should, on these occasions be re-labelled to: ‘Learning’.

So the ‘feeling of fear’ should, in fact be renamed the ‘feeling of learning’.

Then when you focus on that feeling from a learning viewpoint, the feeling will respond to the stimulation differently and then that ‘learning’ will grow stronger and more powerful.

Now you can look on the situation as a great opportunity of self development, to grow, move, and explore new exciting levels of personal and Universal understanding.

If you refocus or change you perspective and see that feeling as a great opportunity to explore the exciting unknown, so it becomes known and familiar, then not fearful at all.

We can only have that ‘feeling of fear/learning’ when you do not understand or the situation is unknown to you.

A positive side effect of this process of learning then understanding is we also increase our choices.

It is a misunderstanding to believe we make bad choices.

No one (to my knowledge) has ever sat down and consciously and made a bad choice, we always make the right choice but only with the information and choices we have available, or we have crated at that moment.

Increase your knowledge by increasing your learning which increases your choices; your percentage of ‘better/correct’ choices will automatically improve.

Another win, win situation!

As your correct life choices improve, your confidence and trust in yourself improves you being to open yourself up and become aware of your authentic potential. Remember what you focus on expands, grows and improves. So this becomes a positive circle.

Remember if you have been focusing on negativity and the Ego circle, you have been ‘feeding’ that feeling of fear which has been growing as a response to the focus and the block has growing stronger the more you focus on it.

You, in fact have been cultivating your fears and negativity by your focus. I always remind my client: The only relationship you will have for the whole of your life is with yourself, you are the ‘expert’ on YOU! Start making better choices for yourself, increase your information and knowledge by going through that feeling and learn!

It is not your choices that have been wrong; it is the restriction in the amount/variety of choice you are giving yourself.

Consider:

Have your choices been restricted by avoiding what you consider to be fear in a misunderstanding of learning.

What do you focus on the most?

How much of your time is spent on the feeling of fear, and trying to avoid that feeling?

How does it feel to change the idea of ‘fear’ into an opportunity for ‘learning’?

Have you ever purposely made a bad choice?

What do you think would happen if you increased your life choices?

Do you believe the Universe is built on fear or love and opportunity?

Have you ever gone through the feeling of fear (FOF), what was the feeling like AFTERWARDS?