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The feeling of FEAR
Most of my clients report the feeling of fear (FOF) as an indescribable scary sensation, in any one, or all of the following: Chest, Heart, Stomach, Tummy or Abdomen.
I do not think there are sufficiently descriptive words to describe the awesome power of the FOF; this is one of the disadvantages of self-help writing.
The FOF feels so bad and individual it is hard to perceive that anyone else could comprehend just how disabilitating it is for YOU!
That thought is part of the problem, because it isolates you, makes you feel apart and special.
Over the years you slowly start to believe that although the FOF becomes an impenetrable wall that may be blocking your potential, it is also somehow protecting you from unknown even worse dilemmas, situations and feelings on the other side.
A client once described it so: “It’s like you have been burn by fire in the past, so feeling the heat of the fire is a warning not to get burnt again! You would be foolish to ignore the heat, continue on to get burnt again!”
I love this analogy. First it proves that analogies can be dangerous, and the use of them is not always helpful. But it also shows how polarise and out of balanced our Ego thinking becomes when we are fearful.
When we look at this analogy more closely, we understood that the FOF has to be acknowledged and treated with respect and appropriateness. It has a purpose, a role to play in your life, but has moved out of balance.
Perhaps a better way to look at the analogy would be; because you have been burnt once in your life it would not be appropriate to avoid all heat in the future! Hopefully you treat fire with the respect it deserves. Feeling heat does NOT automatically mean you will get burnt again or there is unavoidable danger from fire! It also does not mean that the feeling of heat is bad or should be avoided at all costs!
So you have to make appropriate, calm, rational balanced decisions about heat and fire, which allows you to live a balanced life which includes heat and fire, appropriately.
The same way with FOF, it means that you are moving into difficult areas or situations in your life; learning areas, perhaps areas in the past you have not been successful. But area’s (I prefer to call them boxes) that could change your life for ever if you make different decisions.
What the FOF does do is remind you ‘This is a time for appropriate, calm, rational and balanced thinking and action’.
Instead of looking at the FOF as an impenetrable wall, that may be protecting you from future fearful situations, which would be safer to avoid. Rotate the wall horizontally in your mind to become a step that moves you into higher understanding and learning in a situation that has caused you so much heartache in the past, then allows you to step over or through the problem.
Meditation in some form can be very helpful in this process, because it calms the mind and allows you to find the balanced, middle path. Have a look at the meditation page for more information.
Have you considered?
Old problems cannot be solved with old thinking.
Turning the ‘Wall of fear’ vertical and make it into a learning opportunity step!
Why should problems be feared?
Why not view them as opportunities?
When you are in a fearful ‘place’ in your mind, you will make fearful decisions.
When you are in a calm, balanced ‘place’ in your mind you will make calm, balanced decisions.
Why do you presume something is worse on the other side of fear?
How much time do you spend being fearful and worrying?
Could that time be better spent?
Does fear keep in safe or imprisoned?
Can you change you perception to look at fearful situations as learning situations?
When someone’s ‘Box’ is out of balance and they view a situation from an Ego prospective, you have to be extremely careful with your words, counsel and proposition selection.
As I have previously explained their Ego will expose any misstatement or misunderstanding and use it as an avoidance of the issue or more commonly conformation of being apart from the Universal, misunderstood and alone.
My word for this misunderstood Ego state is being ‘Special’.
Because of this analogies are very dangerous; obtaining their creative and flexible thinking may be difficult for the client because of the state of their thinking. But if used correctly analogies can sometimes be very helpful, and even in some cases provide a breakthrough. Here are two of my favourites:
Yachting analogy:
I have never sailed, but recently watching a yachting race on television it struck me how much like life this activity was!
In an effort to win the race, competitors were trying their best to steer the straightest path around a difficult course.
Contending with elements they could not control; wind, waves, tides, weather, other competitors.
Whilst managing the things they could control; sails, rudder, position of yacht, body weight in the boat.
It seemed the more flexible, adaptable, balanced, smooth and flowing with their movements, the more successful and effective their boat efficiently became.
As I watched the leading boats jostle for the lead, I could not help admire the boatmanship of the competitors as they constantly moved from one side of the boat to the other. Pulling in, then a moments later, letting out the sails, to obtain the maximum positive effect of the prevailing conditions.
Being aware of the uncontrollable elements, not working against them, but making the best use and manoeuvring with them to obtain the most advantageous use any situation they encountered.
It was inspiring to witness how they had trained themselves to concentrate on the controllable whilst adapting to the uncontrollable.
The winning competitor seemed never to be still, dealing with every situation as it arose. Never assuming, being as balanced and centred as possible to move in any direction at a blink of the eye!
How much like life this is!
If we could be in the centre, never stagnant, mentally and physically, always ready and embrace the concept of change and movement. Adapting to any uncontrollable situations, looking at them as challenges and opportunities, whilst concentrating on what we can control, and doing that to the best of our abilities.
Always being mindful of your intention and being the best that we can be on our unique journey.
Lao Tzu says:
You need to know water
How it flows around the blocks
and how to find the way through with ease.
Like water, we should know when to wait and move
For the moment to ripen and be right:
Water, you know, never fights
It flows around without harm.
The second analogy I find useful is a TV programme:
Supernanny analogy:
For those of you who have not seen the television programme, the synopsis is, Supernanny helps a family in crisis by teaching parental techniques that connects to their children authentic self and inspires the child to be motivated and understand their unique potential and therefore allowing the family to live in harmony and everyone returning to their ‘rightful’ place within the family unit.
She does this by helping the parents to improve their parental techniques, this is achieved by education and then support whilst the techniques are applied.
The programme format is normally shows a naughty child, uncontrollable, frustrated, violent and disrupting the family home. Parents who are feeling; disempowered, unable to cope and extremely depressed and stressed, which results in the family unit on the verge of collapse.
Then with ‘new’ simple parenting techniques and the calm support to implement them; one programme I watch the child had to be put back to bed over 40 times whilst enforcing bedtime! But we witness a dramatic change in the child’s behaviour; quickly seeing the inner beauty of the child shining through. Then the increased confidence of their parents as the child responds and the family unit returns to love moves them from despair to happiness.
I compare this to the inner struggle we have with our ‘Ego’.
Like the child, the Ego feels uncontrollable, frustrated, violent and disrupting.
Like the parents, at times our authentic self feels, disempowered, unable to cope and extremely depressed and stressed.
We have to learn new techniques, change the situation and get support whilst we implement them.
Then just as the Supernanny’s family we return to love and our natural calm and balance authentic self, reaching our potential, as our inner beauty shines through.
Do these analogies help you think flexibly?
Are you able to adapt to the uncontrollable?
What would be your favourite analogy to explain your unique life journey?
Do you find your Ego ready to jump out and find fault at the slightest mistake or misunderstanding?
Is your Ego as difficult to stand up to as the uncontrollable child?
Can you stick with it, even when the going gets tough? Even putting the child back to bed 40 times!
